When a Child Takes Something That Isn’t Theirs: What Parents Should Know About Kleptomania By Dr. Ahmed Mohamed Abdel Wahab

By Dr. Ahmed Mohamed Abdel Wahab

Consultant in Special Education, Mental Health, and Family Counseling

Finding out that your child has taken something belonging to a classmate can leave you upset or worried that it might happen again. A calm question can help you understand what happened: “Can you tell me what was happening before you took it?” Your child’s age, their understanding of ownership and permission, and the circumstances of the incident can guide your response.

What is kleptomania?

Kleptomania is an uncommon impulse-control disorder. It involves repeated difficulty resisting a strong urge to steal things that the person typically has little use for and does not take for financial gain. Tension may build before the act, followed by temporary relief while taking the item. Feelings of guilt, regret, or shame may follow.

Why might a child take something that belongs to someone else?

A young child may take an appealing object before fully understanding ownership or the need to ask permission. An older child might want to use the item or feel pressure from peers. When assessing for kleptomania, a clinician looks for a recurring pattern of urges that are difficult to resist and asks what the child feels before, during, and after taking something. The value of the item and any feelings of regret are considered alongside the rest of the child’s experience.

What do we know about the causes?

The exact causes of kleptomania remain unclear. Some people with the disorder also experience anxiety or depression. A mental health assessment can help identify the circumstances in which the behavior occurs, the feelings associated with it, and any other difficulties that may need support.

When should parents seek help?

If your child repeatedly takes other people’s belongings, pay attention to what happens just before and afterward. Ask calmly what they wanted or how they were feeling at the time. If the behavior continues despite clear guidance, causes significant distress, or occurs alongside other difficulties at home or school, consider an assessment with a child and adolescent mental health professional.

How can parents respond in the moment?

- Speak with your child privately and listen to their account calmly.

- State the rule clearly: “If you want to use something that belongs to someone else, ask first.”

- Help your child return the item discreetly, then practice how to ask permission in a similar situation.

- Avoid hitting, threats, comparisons, public criticism, and labels such as “thief.” Once the item has been returned, give your child a chance to put what they learned into practice.

A simple way to start is: “Let’s return it together. Next time you see something you’d like to use, we can practice how to ask.”