Dr. Ahmed Mohamed Abdel Wahab writes: Before shouting becomes the language of the house… when the son's voice raises above his parents

By Dr. Ahmed Mohamed Abdel Wahab

Mental Health Consultant and Trainer Certified by the Supreme Council of Universities

Some pain makes no sound: the pain of a mother who falls silent after her child shouts at her, or a father who holds back his response to keep the home from becoming a battlefield. The moment passes, and everyone returns to what they were doing. Yet one question lingers: How did we become so harsh with one another?

In many homes, the incident is dismissed with familiar words: “They’re just upset,” or “It’s a teenage phase. It will pass.” Sometimes it really is a passing moment of frustration. But when hurtful behavior keeps happening without being addressed, a family can grow accustomed to what once caused them pain.

That is why insulting parents should never be brushed aside. At the same time, we should not judge a child’s character by a single angry moment or label them disrespectful whenever they disagree with us. What deserves our attention is a pattern: shouting becomes their usual way of objecting, and the family gives in every time, teaching them that a raised voice can achieve what conversation could not.

Children have the right to feel angry, to disagree, and to say, “I don’t agree.” But they need to learn how to express those feelings without insulting anyone. Parents, in turn, need to make that boundary clear before resentment builds.

When your child raises their voice, try to steady yourself before responding. I know this is difficult, especially when hurtful words come from someone you have spent years caring for. Yet your response in that moment will teach them more about handling anger than a long lecture afterward.

Say calmly and firmly:

“I can see that you’re upset, and I will listen. But speaking to me this way is not acceptable. Let’s take some time to calm down, then talk.”

If the shouting continues, pause the conversation and return to it when everyone is calmer. Do not follow them from room to room, continuing the argument. Equally, do not allow the disagreement to become days of silence. The aim is to help everyone regain the ability to talk.

Once things have settled, do not pretend that nothing happened. Sit down together and ask, “What made you feel so angry?” You may hear a concern you had overlooked, a sense of unfairness, or a pressure they do not know how to explain. Listen, then discuss what they have said. Understanding the reason helps you respond more effectively; it does not mean accepting the hurtful behavior.

You might say:

“Perhaps I didn’t listen carefully enough, and I want to understand. But what you said hurt me, and we need to agree that it won’t happen again.”

Such honesty is easier to connect with than words that make a child feel accused in everything they do. Address the behavior itself. Do not reduce their whole character to “You’re rude,” or bring up every past mistake in one conversation. The goal is for them to understand what went wrong and how to put it right.

Do more than ask for respect. Teach them the words they can use when they are upset: “I need you to hear my side,” “Could you explain why?” or “I’m too angry right now. Can we talk in a little while?” Some children know how to object but have not yet learned how to put their objections into words.

When they try to speak calmly, notice the effort. Tell them, “I appreciated the way you explained what was bothering you without being hurtful.” Do not let your attention appear only when something goes wrong and disappear when things improve.

At home, the rule should apply to everyone: children must not insult their parents, parents must not belittle their children, and shouting must never give anyone the right to silence another person. A parent who apologizes for hurtful words does not lose authority. They give their child an example to follow when they make a mistake.

Decisions should not change simply because someone raises their voice. If you have refused a request for a clear reason, do not grant it merely because the shouting has worn you down. Hear their argument when they are calm, and reconsider your decision if they offer a good reason. This teaches them that thoughtful discussion matters and that shouting does not run the household.

If the behavior continues, agree on a clear, proportionate consequence suited to the child’s age and the situation, without hitting, humiliation, or sweeping threats made in anger. Above all, involve them in repairing the harm: a sincere apology, a respectful return to the conversation, and a practical plan for what they will do the next time they feel angry.

We must also consider age and communication ability. A young child who is crying, or an autistic child who struggles to express pain or distress, should not have their raised voice interpreted in the same way as a deliberate insult. Fair parenting begins with understanding the situation.

If the behavior develops into threats or physical aggression, or the family begins living in fear, the situation calls for protection and professional support—not simply waiting for the child to “grow out of it.”

Respect for parents grows through everyday experiences: conversations in which people feel heard, consistent boundaries, adults who model accountability, and love that leaves room for responsibility.

Address hurtful behavior early. Talk about it, understand its causes, and teach your children how to repair the harm. Home deserves to remain a place where we can speak about what hurts us without hurting the people we love most.